I know I've said I'd go slightly off orbit to avoid New Horizons. But now that it's approaching me, I think I'll stick around and let it measure me for good. This is the only way those arrogant feeble heads back at that rock of a planet they simply call earth would finally admit that I AM and always has been a PLANET of our solar system, not some planet wanna be. Charon, no need to puff yourself up to look bigger for those inadequate human telescopes. Soon we'd be vindicated. If New Horizons would indeed do what it was designed to do, and if those heads bigger than their brains humans could indeed construct accurate measuring instruments, then those peas on earth would finally realize I AM a true full size planet. Hydra and Nix, bring out that champagne we've been saving just for this. And oh, Styx, soon no one will ever call you a dwarf planet satellite anymore. And tell Kerberos to stop hanging out with Dysnomia. He's a full size planet moon. Do not lower yourself to some dwarf planet moon. Soon Eris would be put back to its proper place in the planetary hierarchy. To think that we're in the same class, what audacity!
* Pluto, THE 9TH PLANET